The Baby Belly

Happy Friday! Popping in to say that I am coming back NEXT WEEK with a brand new series called "Gone Crunchy". In it I'll explain why I'm letting my inner hippie come out to play, and how that's going to look as we add a little girl to our family. (And I promise it will launch next week. I've already written the first post.)

But first, let's talk about something that's been bothering me recently. 

I've been dealing with a lot of comments about my body. I expected that to happen. There's something about being pregnant that makes people think they have the right to comment on every little personal detail (and ask some really inappropriate questions). But really, I've been dealing with some less than nice comments about my body for years, so I'm not that shocked. 

Here's the thing: I've gained 20 pounds over the last 31 weeks or so. My midwives tell me I'm measuring exactly where I should be. Our little girl is constantly wiggling around, elbowing me or doing some sort of dance in there. All her ultrasounds have looked perfect, and her heartbeat is always strong. There is no reason I should be concerned. 

However, everyone keeps telling me how not big I am. Seriously, everyone. We could fund our daughter's college education if I had a dollar every time someone said this to me. I know everyone has the best intentions when they say it. But hearing it over and over again, literally every time I leave the house, is starting to wear on me. It's beginning to make me wonder if I'm doing something wrong, to the point that I'm starting to lose sleep over it. 

I know most pregnant women deal with some sort of commentary about their weight gain, or lack thereof. The thing is, no two women are alike. Some carry their babies super high and straight out. Some carry low and compact. Some just have a tougher time with weight gain - others have a tough time gaining weight at all. And everyone starts at a different place! For example, here's a comparison of me at 12 weeks and me at 31 weeks:

Clearly things have changed, and I don't just mean losing my tan or the fuzzies on the tank top.(What can I say, when you wear the same thing almost every day the fuzzies are bound to happen.)

Pregnancy is hard enough without having to endure endless comments about your body. Can we all just agree to stop commenting on pregnant women's bodies? Actually, can we stop commenting on women's bodies in general? There's just so many other things we could be talking about! 

If you've made comments like this to pregnant women (or women in general), don't beat yourself up about it. But maybe next time we can talk about something else? I'd love to tell you about the nursery we've been working on, or the Hypnobabies method, or the cloth diaper stash I'm collecting. Or you know, how my business is going since leaving my 9 to 5! 

I do hope some of you are interested in the cloth diaper and Hypnobabies info, because that's totally going to be covered in the new Gone Crunchy series. So stay tuned :)

Previously on Mrs Robbins Sparkles...

In Case You Missed It...

If you've been wondering why I've been so quiet, the answer is simple.

Yes, Baby Robbins will be joining our family in April! And I've been battling some nasty morning (let's be real, it's all-damn-day) sickness and some ridiculous exhaustion. Growing a baby is hard work. I had no idea how hard! 

So I've been taking it super easy lately. Plus it's hard to write honestly when you have this huge secret you're keeping. That's what is so crazy about early pregnancy. Your whole life has been turned upside down, but you're not supposed to talk about it! It's so weird. 

But don't worry friends. This won't turn into a pregnancy focused blog. Of course I'll talk about it, but it's not going to become my focus. In fact, I'll be back tomorrow with September's Quick Lit list. And, of course, a new edition of the When I Grow Up series will be up on Wednesday! 

So stick around! :)

Previously on Mrs Robbins Sparkles...

Be an Advocate: Why I Volunteer With CASA

Some of you know that late last year I went through training to become a CASA volunteer. I've had some people ask what exactly CASA is and what I've been doing. So let me explain!

CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate. As a CASA volunteer I have a court order to be an advocate for children. Specifically the child I was assigned to, but also in general. CASA volunteers are assigned to cases after completing 40 hours of training. Some cases involve one child, like mine. Some involve many more children (one case another volunteer is currently on involves 8 kids).

So what does being an advocate mean? Well, the child welfare system is a bit of a mess. Sometimes the actual children themselves can get overlooked in the chaos of hearings and meetings and custody battles. Usually that happens because the public defender assigned to the child is so overloaded they barely have time to meet with the child, let alone actually get to know them and their situation in detail. And unless there is a CASA volunteer on the case, that public defender may be the only person sticking up for the best needs of the child.

Unlike those overloaded public defenders, most CASA volunteers only take on one or two cases at a time. We meet the child in person on a fairly regular basis. We talk to the child's biological parents, foster parents, counselors, teachers, and other people in their life. We read the case files. We get to know the ins and the outs of what has happened in this child's life. And before every court hearing, CASA volunteers prepare court reports for the judge to review.

You may have always thought, like I did, that what I just described is what DHS workers do. But actually DHS workers aren't as concerned about the children specifically as they are the family as a whole. And while I'm sure most DHS workers wish they could spend time getting to know all the children they are assigned to, most are like public defenders and have more cases than they can handle. They do the best they can with the time they have, but again, they are focused on the family as a whole, not necessarily what is best for the child.

As a CASA volunteer, my job is to focus solely on the child. I don't care what the foster parents want, what the biological parents want, or what the DHS worker recommends (though all of those wishes and statements are factored in). I only care about what is best for the child I'm working with. Sometimes that will mean being reunified with mom and dad. Sometimes just mom or dad. And sometimes that means having mom and dad's rights terminated and being adopted by other family members or foster parents.

I finished my training in mid-December, and hours after being sworn-in I got a call asking me to review a case. I ended up accepting that case, and was officially assigned in January. The case had been going on for a year, but since I've gotten on board it has progressed quickly. Not necessarily because I'm a part of it now, though that may have helped. Last week I attended a hearing that decided what will be the permanent home for the child. Obviously I can't give any details, but I know that what was decided is absolutely in the best interest of the child. That isn't always how it turns out.

My time with this first case isn't over yet. While major decisions were made last week, there is still more paperwork and details to finalize. But it feels like my first case was as successful as it possibly could have been. Most cases that make it family court will never have a completely and totally happy ending, though it does happen occasionally. Overall though, I think you can only hope for the best.  

So now that my case is nearly over, am I planning on taking on another one? I think so. Most cases don't resolve as quickly as my first one did (at least, it resolved quickly after my involvement), so they are a big commitment.

But I also know that there is a huge need for CASA volunteers. Ideally there would be a volunteer for every case, but that isn't possible right now. In Oklahoma County CASA volunteers represent less than 30% of the abused and neglected children in the system. There aren't enough people willing to step up and be an advocate. And I understand. I mean, you have to commit to 40 hours of training just to be able to volunteer. Most people don't volunteer 40 hours in an entire year. I know, because I didn't for many years!

The need is great, though. And I promise you, it is such important work. You can make a huge difference in a child's life by being a CASA volunteer. If you've ever thought about it, I encourage you to look into it again. If you've read this post and think you might be interested, look into it! I'd be happy to answer any questions you have. Or you can head to the National CASA website to find out more about volunteering.

Previously on Mrs Robbins Sparkles